We'd been wanting to interview a mom who'd had a late pregnancy for some time. Perhaps out of modesty or simply scarcity, we couldn't find one until Feliz. When we met her and she revealed her age, we couldn't believe it! She looks so much younger, and she's younger in her way of being and living. Feliz proves that motherhood is above all a state of mind, and that there's no ideal age for it. In this article, she reveals herself, her vision of motherhood and her career, and sweeps away clichés and preconceived ideas with style. You rock Feliz!

Feliz, can you introduce yourself in a few words?
I'm American and Swiss, having lived here for almost 15 years. I'm 49, married and have a son, Candide, aged 2.5. I studied Communication Arts & Design, then got an MBA. After working as a designer and art director in New York for 10 years, I came to Geneva for a summer vacation in 2005, where I met the man who is now my husband. Here, I've mainly worked on mandates in communications, branding and packaging. Since becoming a mother, I've started teaching English, visual arts and luxury goods part-time in the public and private sectors.

You had your first child at the age of 46. Have you always wanted to have children?
In fact, the idea of having children (or a child) was never a priority issue for me. One thing's for sure: it wasn't "my life project"! I never even dreamed of a traditional marriage.

It wasn't until I was about 27, after spending time with my first nephew, that I imagined myself, one day, with a little human being like that in my life. My mom was a single mother with three children, and our life was often difficult. I grew up in a precarious financial situation, with no father and no financial support from her. This had a huge impact on my outlook on life.

My mother fiercely believed in independence and instilled this value in me. Yet the dream of building a career and being able to support myself "properly" before eventually bringing a child into the world was more a matter of necessity than simple pride. If I couldn't do that, in my eyes, I wasn't fit to have a child. This seemed to me to be responsible and realistic reasoning.

Once you found THE right partner and wanted to become parents, did you get pregnant easily?
After trying not to get pregnant for decades, I thought it would be easy to get pregnant. I've always been able to maintain my weight, eat healthily, avoid smoking, exercise regularly... so I thought I'd be a good candidate. Well, I was kidding myself! I got pregnant for the first time at the age of 40, but my body couldn't cope and I miscarried.

How did you experience your miscarriage(s)?
Although the first pregnancy came as a surprise, this first miscarriage was the most difficult. I was 2.5-3 months along, and we naively thought we could get carried away and start dreaming about the child that was to come. That day, we bought her a little Japanese silk toy. That evening, I lost it. The operation was very difficult. My husband stayed with me the whole time, then looked after me for several days. He made me his famous honey duck to cheer me up. It was a hard experience for him too, so we spent time together to get through it.

We really hoped for a natural pregnancy and tried for a long time. Unfortunately, after a third miscarriage we went for help. 

After a failed IVF attempt in Geneva, we decided to go abroad, mainly for financial reasons. We had two unsuccessful attempts at a clinic in Brno, Czech Republic, and finally tried an amazing and very professional clinic in Spain. I did my IVF there and then returned to Geneva for all the usual check-ups with my gynecologist.

How did you experience the hormone treatment?
During IVF, I don't remember it being uncomfortable. I didn't like the injections, the bloating and the weight gain, of course, but I don't remember experiencing the hormonal rollercoaster I've heard some women experience. Then again, my life is ONLY a hormonal roller coaster, so I haven't noticed any particular change! Ha,ha 😛

When I finally got pregnant, we were starting to renovate an old house. I didn't have time to relax, and although it was a bit stressful, maybe it was for the best. I continued to work around the house every day, managing the work and finding everything from the bathtub and faucets to the front door. 

The longer I was pregnant, the more tired I became. I started falling asleep earlier because it was hard to find a comfortable position and I had terrible acid reflux which made sleeping very difficult. It was almost impossible to eat after 3 p.m. (no exaggeration) and I slept at a 45° angle because lying down triggered a burning reflux. To feel better, I drank a lot of water and walked wearing a maternity belt, which supported and helped me enormously.

Do you ever feel like you're living on the bangs of society (in terms of the fact that you had your child later than the "norm" in Switzerland)?
In Switzerland, I've heard many women talk about motherhood being THE priority in their lives. Since I was 30 and childless, I'd been asked: "Why don't you and your husband want children?", "Aren't you a bit old not to have had children yet?", "Why doesn't your husband want children with you?". I heard a group (mixed but mainly male) at a party say that it was an abomination for a woman to have a child at almost 50. 

When I moved to Geneva from New York at the age of 36, the mentality of ALL my female friends, myself included, was... It's okay if you want a kid and a family, but it's not necessarily a priority. New York is a tough place to raise kids, and a smart woman thinks about how she's going to handle that before building a family life. My outlook on life has largely been influenced by this philosophy, as has my personal history.

This part of the world is rather conservative and maybe I'm offending a certain vision of motherhood that can make people uncomfortable. Fortunately, mentalities are changing.

You focused on your career in the first part of your life. Looking back, do you think it is compatible with motherhood?
Curiously, the problem is not that career is incompatible with motherhood, but rather that we have built a society that is generally incompatible with it. Not only does the society we live in privilege the patriarchal, workaholic values that currently impact our world, but it also establishes fairly strict divisions on the roles of women as mothers and men as fathers. These roles are outdated, for both. Many men would like to be more involved in their children's upbringing, and many mothers would like to and could have a successful career at the same time. Why not simply spend some quality time with your children? It's possible, it's just a question of perspective.

Now that I'm a mom, my vision of work has changed, and no job or opportunity could distract me from the joy of experiencing all the little pleasures of everyday life with my child. I want to savour this time of my life to the full. I've often heard people say: "You've got to make the most of it, it goes by so quickly". It's so true, and I want to savor every moment.

Do you ever suffer from the looks or remarks of other people, especially other mothers?
I haven't really suffered from remarks or the looks of others. Once, someone tried to ask politely if the child was mine or... without finishing his thought. People rarely dare to give their opinion openly. Otherwise, when I was in my thirties, I was subjected to remarks from my young female colleagues. I obviously didn't adhere to their standards and they tried to undermine my confidence.

I find that women my age are more understanding and have a more nuanced view of life, motherhood and children.

Do you think having a child in your late forties is selfish?
The world is made up of all kinds of families and all kinds of parents, many of whom turn out to be terrible parents. If you really want to be a parent and can provide a healthy home for a child, you're already at an advantage. Age is not what matters in parenting. What counts is strength, compassion and long-term dedication. I'm a firm believer in adoption, and in blended families. A family is someone who loves you and whom you love... Not necessarily a father, a mother and a child.

Ultimately, is it any different to have a child at 46 or 36?
Of course, there are the physical aspects: I think I might have recovered more quickly after the birth. And now, in retrospect, I wish I'd had this beautiful little child with me sooner because he brings so much joy and beauty into my life. But I wasn't ready at 36. I had to let my life unfold as it did to get where I am now, and I'm grateful for that.

Obviously, I've been thinking about the fact that when my son is 25, I'll be over 70. I hope that, thanks to my genetics and lifestyle, I'll still be strong and energetic. What's more, my husband is a little younger than I am. We're very close, and we're doing this parenting thing together.

Feliz, what can we wish you today for tomorrow?
That Trump is impeached (laughs). On a more serious note, I hope that one day society will recognize the importance of motherhood and the family. Once it does, it will better help men/fathers to take their place and relieve some of the mental burden on women. They will then be able to aspire more easily and freely to a career, motherhood or both.