As announced last month, here's a new article by Jacqueline Comte for MotherStories on the desire for children. Discover all her work on her website Espace Fertile.
Enjoy your reading
Stop thinking about it and it will work.
Every morning my husband listens to the 6 o'clock news on RTS radio. On Thursday August 18, he told me to come and listen to a summary of an article on infertility in the Aargauer Zeitung. According to the article, based on a study carried out in London, 1 in 4 couples diagnosed as infertile would become pregnant naturally within 6 years of diagnosis.
I could hear the hosts chuckling as they said that all you had to do to get pregnant was "give up in your head"... That's how they summed it up. Once again, they were feeding the cliché that most so-called infertile couples were unable to procreate because they were too focused on the subject.
I'd been bristling at the thought for a long time, and the time had come for me to go and investigate the matter. So I put out a call for witnesses on several forums and downloaded the article from the Aargauer Zeitung. I wanted to know a little more about these famous miracle babies.
Let's talk about the article first: it makes no reference to the fact that you have to stop thinking about it in order to succeed, but rather points out that 1 in 4 couples diagnosed as infertile are only partially so. In fact, the interpretation of the man's spermogram will have to be reviewed, as new studies show that semen quality varies quite a lot several times a day. Until now, the practice has been to perform a single isolated spermogram, which could be the reason for misdiagnosis. The researchers also found that, although a single sperm generally fertilized the egg, it did so as a group.
I find it very interesting and I'm glad to have learned something new. However, they don't talk about interpreting a woman's fertility values. Perhaps because the process in women is much more complex?
Regarding my calls for witnesses, I can't bring you a quantifiable study, but here's what I was able to gather:
According to testimonials, it seems that many women can more easily realize their dream of a spontaneous pregnancy after giving birth to their first baby. The body seems to be pre-programmed and does its work on its own, much to the surprise of the parents. As far as the first child is concerned, this is less easy, but nevertheless, some of my test couples have become pregnant naturally after a diagnosis of infertility. Sometimes during the break between two IVF's or inseminations and other times, months or even years after stopping all treatment.
There are no rules, but it's undeniable that these famous "miracle babies" do exist, and I'm sure you've heard of couples who got pregnant when they "stopped thinking about it". This may be true, but I think it's always more enchanting and easier to talk about a "miracle" when there could be 1,000 and 1 other explanations: a misdiagnosis and the couple were actually more fertile than they thought, the woman's body stimulated to the extreme so that months later she's still enjoying a surge in fertility, a stressful phase at work over, a traumatic event digested. What's more, I know a lot of women who say they don't think about it any more, even though they take their temperature every morning ;-).
To conclude, I'd just like to make clear what's really close to my heart: I don't agree with reducing fertility worries to a problem in the head. It's extremely hurtful to be reduced to a psychological problem when the desire for a child is so much more complex. Advice such as "go on vacation, don't think about it, just let yourself live" doesn't help. On the contrary, they are denigrating and devastating.
Just because you don't think about it doesn't mean you'll get pregnant any faster. Nor will you minimize your chances if you do.
Take this guilt away from yourself. Instead, try to change the way you see your desire for a child, by accepting the path it is taking. Take care of your body, mind and life as a whole. This is the best way to relax and be open to life.
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